


XVI. Shelter

by causeimdifferent



Series: Wanted [16]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-08 23:40:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1960617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/causeimdifferent/pseuds/causeimdifferent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thomas's world is crumbling.<br/>He is stumbling.<br/>And falling.<br/>Right into someone's arms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	XVI. Shelter

“Thomas? What happened – you’re as white as a sheet.”

“Nothing. I always am.”

“Yah, right, you’re whiter than a sheet then. Come on in.”

  
Philip's face is all bruised and swollen from Jimmy's assault.

He looks dreadful.

Not to Thomas.

  
All the way to Philip, Thomas kept telling himself to stay strong, not to let him in about anything.

_Just fuck him to escape the thoughts about the unthinkable._

Having to hand in his notice to Carson tomorrow.

Having to leave everything behind that has become his life – and the future he has planned.

Thomas will never be butler at Downton.

He will be out on the streets.

All by himself. Without a home. Without a job.

Thomas’s world is crumbling and so is he, as soon as he allows himself to ruminate.

 

_Stay strong. You are a fighter._

_You survived a bloody war._

_You will survive this too._

Only, this time, for whatever reason, Thomas is not so sure.

One beat down too much, perhaps.

_There is always one last fight._

_That one last fight, that’s lost._

 

_Do. Not. Let. Philip. In._

_He'll take advantage, as he used to, when you did._

_Just fuck him and leave._

_Leave everything behind._

 

But now that Philip stands in front of Thomas, the mere hint of compassion in his eyes is enough.

To knock him out.

Thomas stumbles. And falls.

Right into the warmth of Philip’s chest and his arms, readily folding around him while Thomas’s own arms cling to him like someone about to drown.

His face buried in the crook of Philip’s neck. Carrying the scent of home.

Thomas really, really doesn’t want to cry.

But his throat would burst if he didn’t.

Thomas knows without thinking, the tears he is crying are not only about what just happened.

They are the ones suppressed again and again, for so long.

  
Philip’s hands stroke Thomas’s shaking back.

Up and down. Soothingly.

“It’s all good”, Philip murmurs, “It’s all good.”

Which makes Thomas cry even more.

All the thoughts of fucking Philip - to forget, just to forget - are gone.

All that’s left is the aching desire to find the courage to give in to him once again.

“It’s all good. I got you.”

 

Still Thomas waits for the kick in the back.

The final blow.

The coup de grâce.

_Go on, finish me off, already._

 

Philip keeps on holding Thomas in his arms, tightly.

He does not push him away.

He does not put him down.

He doesn’t let him drown.

 

As Thomas’s back sinks into the mattress of Philip’s bed, all strength has left his body.

Philip is above him, covering him like a blanket, planting soft kisses on Thomas’s face.

On his forehead. The tear-stained cheeks, the eyelids and lips.

“You’re beautiful”, Philip whispers and his eyes are moist.

“I’m a mess.”

“So am I.”

“What a perfect match we are.”

 

Philip’s fingers rake through Thomas’s hair. He nuzzles his face into the crook of Thomas’s neck.

“I want to make love to you, Thomas.” Just a whisper.

“And then you’ll throw me away, like last time.”

Again Thomas’s vision gets blurry.

“I’d given you anything, done anything for you back then …”

“I know”, Philip says. “And I’ll give you anything and do anything for you from now on.”

“I don’t believe you. I want to, but I don’t.”

 

Philip’s fingers venture for the top buttons of Thomas’s shirt.

After getting caught in the act Thomas had other problems to think of than underwear.

He is naked underneath.

Philip’s palms stroke across his chest.

Then they come to a rest.

The heat of Philip’s hands fills Thomas’s heart.

Thomas closes his eyes with a deep sigh.

_I want to trust you, Philip. So much. But …_

“I can’t help thinking you'll fuck me over the moment I fall for you again.”

_You have fallen for him already, fool._

_The moment you saw him in that pub._

_Before you even talked to him._

_In fact you knew that moment, that you have never fallen out of love with him at all._

“I understand.” Philip rolls off of Thomas.

“No.” Thomas protests.

Philip casts him puzzled glance.

“Come back. Just as you were. Exactly as you were.”

“Anything you want”, Philip smiles and lowers himself down on Thomas once more.

 

“I’m out of my job by tomorrow”, Thomas says, choking up again.

“What?”

Thomas nods, covering his face with his hands.

“Why?”

“You’ll laugh if I tell you. So I won’t. It doesn’t matter anyways.”

“And there is nothing you can do about it?”

Thomas shakes his head: “It’s either Jimmy or me.”

“So, naturally, it’s going to be you.”

Thomas nods.

“You are a bloody fool.”

“Of course you’d think that.”

“I’d do the same for you.”

“Yah, right.”

“Goddamn, Thomas, don’t you understand?”

“Understand what?”

Philip leans in for a kiss.

 A butterfly’s wings touching Thomas’s lips.

„I love you, Thomas Barrow.“


End file.
